His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
