Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I see more hoeing in ur future
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