why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Damn victory sex feels great
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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