I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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