I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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