I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
