Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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