you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
