Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
