Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
