but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
