My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
