I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
