Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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