Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
