i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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