Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
as a side note pls kill me
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