Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
