I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The adults are the big ones right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
