ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
