is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
