do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She needs sedatives and a leash
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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