I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
