I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
COCAINE IS GR8
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
