she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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