ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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