things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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