There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
