I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
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i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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