Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
