That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
