i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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