Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
