youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
