Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
