from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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