Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
