Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
