farters have to be the big spoon...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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