she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
