Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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