the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
