I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
