I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
