The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
