Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
