what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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