I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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