Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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