I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
